


When There's Nothing Left at All (Your Burning Lips They Will Cushion Every Fall)

by Irissswests



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 1x15 out of time AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 06:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8738413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irissswests/pseuds/Irissswests
Summary: "When she reaches what she deems a safe distance away she waits. And waits and waits. She blocks out the screaming and the panic surrounding her. Her fingers clasp around her mother's wedding band hanging around her neck. It reminds her of Barry. Of his Christmas confession and now of his kiss. A kiss she doesn't want to forget. A kiss that she wants to repeat again and again. Because good lord it was amazing.
What about Eddie?"
1x15 Out of Time AU where Barry doesn't run back and time and erase the kiss between him and Iris. Iris struggles with the fallout from the kiss and the reveal that Barry is The Flash as she tries to figure out her own feelings for him and what she wants.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got the inspiration for this when watching the Westallen kiss from 1x15 and thought what would have happened if Barry didn't run back in time and erased the kiss. This totally got away from me, hence the three parts. I realized that after writing this I didn't acknowledge the fact that Cisco is killed and would have stayed dead, but for the sake of the story lets pretend he didn't die. 
> 
> I promise there will be a happy ending so hang in there. 
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes, I read through it pretty carefully but some things slip through. I will fix it if I catch anything later. 
> 
> Title taken from the song Tomorrow Won't Die Too Soon by Scars on 45. 
> 
> Enjoy and please leave comments and kudos they are much appreciated!

_I am so sorry I didn't want you to find out this way. Go!_

Mouth hanging open slightly she stares after the yellow blur in shock. She watches as he runs round and round the the tidal wave heading for the city. He told her to go, but she's frozen in place watching him.

Because holy shit Barry is The Flash. Barry Allen her best friend is The Flash. And she just can't quite wrap her mind around that. It had been Barry all along.

She can still feel his lips on hers, his hands on her face. And her heart is still racing and she knows she needs to move. So finally after counting to ten she turns her back to him and she runs too.

* * *

She doesn't get far.

At first she planned on going home and waiting there, but then she realized that Barry was trying to save the day and Mardon still had her father. No, there was no way in hell she was going to wait at home for them to come back safely.

When she reaches what she deems a safe distance away she waits. And waits and waits. She blocks out the screaming and the panic surrounding her. Her fingers clasp around her mother's wedding band hanging around her neck. It reminds her of Barry. Of his Christmas confession and now of his kiss. A kiss she doesn't want to forget. A kiss that she wants to repeat again and again. Because good lord it was amazing.

_What about Eddie?_

A nagging voice in her head puts a stop to her thoughts. Fuck. Eddie. Her boyfriend who she lives with. She thinks back to earlier that day in the police station when Barry had reassured her that he would bring her dad back. And now she realizes why he said that and how he could promise that. Because he would be the one bringing her dad back safely to her. In that moment it hadn't really mattered to her. But Eddie had been watching them, standing too close to each other with Barry's hands on her face. He must suspect something.

Shaking her head she decides she'll deal with that later when both Barry and her dad are safe. She and Barry will have to talk and she'll have to decide who she wants. Deep down she knows her answer and she thinks she's always known on some level. But until Christmas she never really thought about it, about _him_ like that. And now it's all she can think about and she doesn't want to stop.

She watches as the wave gets smaller and smaller and gradually Barry slows down. Letting out a breath of relief she still waits. Around her people are cheering.

The Flash just saved the city.

No, _Barry_ just saved the city.

Yeah that's going to take some getting used to.

* * *

Mardon is being handcuffed and put in the back of a police car just as the paramedics load her dad carefully into the back of an ambulance. They remind her that they are leaving and she quickly gets into the back and sits next to her father holding his hand.

Mardon is being handcuffed and put in the back of a police car just as the paramedics wheel her father on stretcher towards an ambulance. It had taken some time -too much in her opinion- from them to get him from the boat. As they roll past her her a gasp escapes her lips and her hands fly up to cover her mouth.

His face is bloodied and bruised and his right leg is bent at an unnatural angle. If she looks hard enough she thinks she sees bone protruding through his pants.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

She feels the bile rise up in her throat and she gags turning her head away. She thinks she might be sick as she bends over slightly trying to take some deep breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

A little calmer now she faces the ambulance again and one of the paramedics ask if she's riding with them and all she can do is nod as she climbs into the back of the ambulance with her father.

They've covered his leg now thankfully as she sits next to him and takes his hand in hers.

Just as they are about to leave something red catches her eye. Lifting her head she sees Barry -no, The Flash- standing outside the vehicle and for a moment he unblurs his face and gives her a nod and somehow she manages a weak smile in return as she grips her father's hand tighter.

The doors close and she can't seem him anymore. Her attention turns back to her unconscious father. His hand may not be holding hers back, but it's still warm and in that moment it hits her how close she came to losing him today.

They rush him into surgery once they get to the hospital and she is told to get comfortable in one of the waiting rooms. Logically she knows it's not a big deal. They have to fix his leg, give him some stitches. That's it. He'll be fine. But everything is catching up to her, the emotions of the day. He could've died. She could've died. The tsunami could have wiped out the city and everyone in it.

And then Barry's there and he doesn't say a word and his arms are around her gathering her to his chest. She grips the back of his shirt and holds on with everything she has. Her sobs are muffled against his shirt as she lets them out. There's something about the way he's holding her, almost protectively, that makes her want to just burrow deeper into his chest and never let go.

He kisses her hair and rocks her back and forth and she forgets that they are in the middle of the waiting room and people are moving about around them. It feels like they are the only two people in the world and she doesn't want to leave the safety that his arms provide her with.

Eventually she lifts her head to look up at him. His hands frame her face much like they did earlier and his thumbs wipe away what's left of her tears. He's looking at her so tenderly she wonders how on earth she missed his feelings for her, how she looked past him for so many years when he had been there all along.

She wants to kiss him. Just wants to lean up and press her lips to his. But she doesn't. Now is not the time or place. And they still have a lot to talk about. So instead with her palms resting flat on his chest she places a chaste kiss to his cheek, lingering a little longer than she normally would.

"Thank you," she tells him quietly.

"Of course," he responds softly. "I told you I would bring him back to you." He pushes some hair back from her face and looks at her seriously. "Iris you have to know that I would do anything for you."

All she can do is nod. Overwhelmed and choked up once again with emotion for how much she feels for this man, how much he means to her, how much she _loves_ him. And she knows it's the same for him. He loves her unconditionally and with everything he has. She realizes it now, everything he has done for her has been because of this and she was just too blind to see it.

Behind them someone clears their throat and they spring apart and she can feel her face burning with embarrassment. Turning around she sees Eddie standing there. His face is completely blank and unreadable and she swallows.

Oh fuck.

She feels Barry's hand on her back for just a second as he excuses himself and she takes reassurance from his touch. But she has to force herself not to watch him walk away, that would be too cruel. She knows they've been caught and it feels like her heart as dropped into her stomach. This is not how she wanted this to happen.

"Eddie-"

"Don't," he interrupts her raising his hand and she thinks she shrinks back a little at his sharp tone. "Just don't." and there's a flicker of hurt in his eyes before it disappears and his face is once again emotionless.

And then he turns and walks away and she's alone again. With a heavy sigh she drops into one of the uncomfortable chairs and holds her head in her hands.

It's only going to get worse before it gets better.

* * *

Hours later the doctor comes to tell that shortly she can see her dad and she thanks him. She hasn't seen Barry or Eddie since earlier, but she has a feeling that Barry is around here somewhere she knows he wouldn't leave. Eddie on the other hand is probably long gone.

Taking out her phone she quickly texts Barry that her dad is out of surgery and they can go see him in a few minutes.

And just as she's about to follow the doctor into her dad's room Barry appears and she smiles at him.

"Hey."

"Hey."

She can tell he wants to say a million things but she just shakes her head. "We'll talk later?" Now she's just exhausted and all she wants is to see her dad and for this to be over.

He nods. "Yeah."

And then with a steady hand on her back he guides her into the hospital. Once they're inside he drops his hand and she wishes he would put it back because she can feel the gentle touch of his fingers through the layers of her clothing and it grounds her, reassures her that she's not in this alone. But she knows why. He doesn't want to attract unwanted attention to the change in their relationship. Not that she thinks her dad would pick up on it, but she understands. The last thing she needs is a lecture from her dad when she's not even sure what their relationship is right now.

All of those thought disappear the moment she sees him. Still a little groggy from surgery he grins when he sees the both of them and she runs to his side and carefully bends down to hug him.

"I was so scared, daddy," she cries as she feels his hand on her shoulder, comforting her.

"Me too baby girl. I'm just glad you're okay."

She misses the look he shares with Barry over her head. And later she'll learn he knew this whole time. And this will become even messier. But for now all she cares about is that her dad is okay.

* * *

She collapses onto the couch. It's nearing midnight and she's exhausted. Her body feels heavy and every movement drains her even more. She caught a cab on the way home from the hospital. And at first she was about to give the driver Eddie's address but then she realized she couldn't deal with that now. So here she is at home.

Barry enters the room a few seconds later and sits down on the other end of the couch making sure to keep some distance between them. God, when did this get so complicated? Okay she knows the answer to that. When Barry confessed his feelings at Christmas. And now she's thrown her own feelings into the mix.

It shouldn't be this hard.

With a sigh she turns her head still resting it against the couch cushion to face him. "He should be home in a couple of days." He nods and she sees relief cross his face. And then she asks, "is it okay if I crash here tonight?"

He tries his best not to look surprised, but his eyebrows arch up almost imperceptibly. "Yeah of course." But she can see all of the questions he wants to ask. He wants to know what it means that she's here and not with Eddie tonight. Unfortunately she doesn't have the answer to that because she's not quite sure what it means herself.

She nods her thanks and looks away from him. This whole situation is even more confusing the more she thinks about it.

"Iris, about what happened today-"

"Don't," she interrupts a little too harshly. She opens her mouth to continue, but shuts it quickly and tries to calm herself before she speaks again. She doesn't want to bite his head off. "I can't talk about this right now. All I want is to sleep. If we do this now I'll say things I don't mean and I-we'll talk tomorrow?"

She's afraid of what she'll say and afraid of what he'll say if they have this talk now. And really she's drained emotionally right now and sleep sounds so good, a nice distraction from everything. Also, she needs the time to figure out her thoughts. What she wants to tell him. Hell, what she wants to do about it. The problem is this doesn't just involve them, it's Eddie and Linda.

Barry nods. "Yeah of course. Tomorrow."

"I'm gonna head to bed," she says but doesn't move and neither does he. She faces him again and hesitates before speaking. "I-I just need to know. Earlier, it wasn't just because you thought we were going to die right? It wasn't a now or never thing? It was because you wanted to… because I-"

She stops herself before she says too much. The doubt and the fear that he had kissed her because of the situation has been floating around her in head since the hospital. She'd been worried it was nothing more than that. That it had nothing to do with his feelings for her.

"It was real," he responds immediately in a firm tone. She searches his face for any sign he's lying, but she sees none. "It was real, Iris."

The sincerity in his eyes just about kills her and she feels herself nodding because it's all she can do because it feels like her heart is in her throat, she doesn't think she could speak if she tried. And she's held in place by his gaze, unable to move. For a brief second she thinks about just staying here on the couch with him. But then thinks better of it.

Then she's pushing herself up off the couch. And just as she reaches the bottom of the stairs she manages to find her voice again and quietly says, "it was real for me too."

* * *

Upstairs she finds her room just how she left it. The walls are bare and there isn't anything that makes it personal. The bed is still in one corner and her dresser against the other wall. Thankfully she left some clothes here just in case she chose to spend the night occasionally along with some extra sheets and blankets for her bed. It's nostalgic really. She's been living with Eddie for about three months now so in reality it's not that long, but it feels like forever.

Crawling into bed she realizes it's smaller than she remembers it. The bed she shares with Eddie is much bigger even with the two of them on it. And that's when it occurs to her how strange it is to be alone in the bed. She's so used to having someone next to her, having that extra warmth and body nearby.

Eddie.

Closing her eyes she sighs. Really she should've texted Eddie told him she wasn't coming home tonight. Though she thinks that after he saw her and Barry he knew she wouldn't be, or maybe he didn't want her to. She wonders if he thinks she's cheating on him. And god, she really doesn't want to be that person. The cheater. She isn't a cheater. But she and Barry kissed while she's with Eddie and while he's with Linda. And she feels horrible about it, even when the kiss felt so right.

Turning onto her side she decides it's time to try and get some sleep, to forget this day and start over in the morning. Only it's not that easy. She can still feel Barry's lips on hers, she can still see that breathtaking smile when she told him she couldn't stop thinking about him. She also can still see him as The Flash. And that's still so hard to come to grips with. He had literally been right in front of her so many times. She had flirted with him for fuck's sake and he flirted right back and she didn't even know. But he kept it from her and that hurts, it hurts more than she thought it would.

She drifts off into a restless sleep in which she dreams about the tsunami and the kiss. Only this time something went wrong. He had kissed her and then he didn't come back to her. Time got reset and he had tried to ask her out again only she rejected him because she didn't feel the same way about him and she was happy and in love with Eddie.

Waking up she panics briefly when she doesn't register where she is. But as she sits up and looks around the room she remembers that she's at the house and in her old bed. The dream wasn't real. Barry didn't reset the timeline. She remembers her kiss with Barry still, really she doesn't think she could ever forget it.

Looking over at the clock she sees that it's four in the morning and she knows there is no way she'll be able to go back to sleep after that and decides that hot chocolate sounds really good and comforting. So she gets out of bed and makes her way downstairs wearing only an old CCPD shirt that -thankfully falls around mid thigh- and her underwear.

As she passes the couch she sees Barry laying flat on his back one arm flung over his face the other dangling off the side almost touching the floor. One leg rests on the back of the couch and the other is over the armrest. He's too long for the couch and yet he looks comfortable. His mouth hangs open ever so slightly and she can't help but pause and watch him sleep for a minute or two.

Against her will her lips tug upwards in a smile at the sight of his sleeping form and she wants to touch him. Wants to just reach out and trail her fingers down his face or run them through his hair, really just _something._ But she also doesn't want to wake him and if she did she would have to explain what she was doing and she really, _really_ doesn't want to have to do that. Because that would just be mortifying. Suddenly a thought enters her head. One about waking up next to Barry in the morning wrapped in his long limbs, snuggled against his chest and it sounds so fucking perfect.

Shaking her head she tries to banish the thought. She can't have that. At least not right now and she shouldn't be thinking about it either. Realizing that watching him sleep isn't helping she continues her trek to the kitchen making sure she treads quietly and avoids all the squeaky floorboards.

Once in the kitchen she continues to try and be quiet as possible as she makes herself hot chocolate, making sure she stops the microwave before it beeps. She shouldn't be all that worried, Barry can sleep like the dead and after the day they had she doesn't think he'll wake too easily.

As she sips her hot chocolate she scrolls through the picture on her phone. And she finds herself lingering on the ones of her and Barry. Ones before the particle accelerator explosion back when things were simple. She looks at how happy they were. It dawns on her just how much they look like a couple in some of the pictures and she feels her heart constrict in her chest.

She pauses on one that she doesn't remember being taken and she thinks someone must of sent it to her because it's clear neither of them we aware someone was taking a picture of them. They must have been at a party because there are people around him and he's sitting in a chair and she's sitting sideways in his lap so that her side is pressed against him and he has an arm around her and they are just looking at each other and grinning like idiots. Like they are lost in their own little world. Just looking at the picture she can remember this night, she had dragged Barry to the party and she had been a little tipsy on wine and decided to share a chair with him. She remembers the way he held on a little too tight to her and they way she didn't notice. She also remembers the next day when she had been too hungover to function that he took care of her.

That's when she comes to the conclusion that she's an idiot. Looking at these pictures it's obvious he was in love with her then. And she wishes they could go back to before the particle accelerator, before Eddie, before everything that has made their lives so complicated to the time when it was simple. And she wishes she would have realized it on her own and maybe they could have been together and happy.

Before she can dwell too much on the past she flicks to the next picture. Once she reaches one's of her and Eddie she realizes she doesn't feel that same longing. She can remember them, but not always in great detail.

"Hey."

She jumps, startled she fumbles with her phone trying to lock it before he can see what she's looking at it and then for good measure she places it face down on the table. He's standing in the entryway leaning against the wall one eyebrow arched at her and her odd behavior. She doesn't pay it any mind because she's too distracted by him. His hair is sticking up in every direction and he rubs his hands over his eyes and his clothes are rumpled and yet he still looks really good. Blushing furiously she looks down at the table not wanting to get caught staring at him like that.

"Hey," she greets back faintly. And she knows she waited just a little too long to respond.

"What are you doing?" his voice is thick with sleep and she doesn't think she's ever heard anything sexier.

Dammit. She came down here to clear her head not for him to distract her like this. And not to turn her into a bumbling idiot.

"I-I couldn't sleep," she stutters slightly before regaining control of her words. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No," he reassures her with a half-smile. "But I saw the light on in here."

She nods. And he crosses his arms over his chest leaning more fully against the wall and he watches her. They sit in silence as she finishes her drink and looks anywhere but him and when she gets up to put her mug in the sink she notices the way he appreciatively takes in her appearance, lingering on her bare legs. And she freezes in place, because damn she really likes the way he's looking at her right now and she also kind of wants to tug her shirt down a little self-consciously.

With her back to him she rinses her mug and tries to calm herself before she faces him again. When she does he's still standing in the same spot, but his eyes are on her, burning right through her. Before she really knows what she's doing her legs are moving her towards him like she's being pulled in his direction by some imaginary force and she's powerless to stop it or maybe she's just done fighting that pull that has been there all along.

She stops in front of him her toes bumping against his. That's the only part of them touching, but the air seems to crackle around them and the tension is heavy in the air. All she can do is stare at him, paralyzed. Flicking her eyes over his, observing the way his green eyes get a shade darker, and she looks at the freckles on his neck and she wants to reach out and touch or better yet kiss them. _Okay getting ahead of yourself a little bit there aren't ya, Iris?_ She watches the way his eyes dart quickly down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. And unconsciously she licks hers and notices the way he swallows, the way his adam's apple bobs in his throat.

He makes the first move. Reaching his hand out he touches his fingertips to her cheek skimming them against her skin until they reach her neck and his thumb lightly grazes against her jaw before rubbing along her bottom lip, gently pulling it from between her teeth and she didn't even realize she had been biting it. She leans into his touch and steps a little closer to him so that one of her legs is between his. His thumb on her lip sends jolts of electricity through her and she finds herself holding her breath in anticipation of what he's going to do next.

He stands up a little straighter so he's no longer leaning against the wall and his fingers slide to the back of her neck and she can feel his warm breath fanning across her face. His nose almost playfully bumps against hers and she tilts her face upwards toward him. And then he stops suddenly right before his lips touch hers and she realizes he's asking for her permission. She gives him the slightest nod and sees the corner of his lip quirk up and her heart is pounding wildly in her chest and in her ears and she wonders if he can hear it just as loudly as she can.

"Barry," begs in a whisper just as his lips brush against hers.

And it's the softest touch of his lips against hers, feather light like it's not even there, but there's faint pressure that assures her that it's real, that he's kissing her. And she thanks god for that otherwise she might think she's dreaming again.

For a few moments it's just their lips pressed together, nothing more and then his fingers curl in her hair and his other hand lands on her waist drawing her closer. That's when her eyes fall shut and she hooks her arms around his neck pulling herself even closer to him and he responds by sighing into her mouth. And then his tongue traces the seam of her lips and she grants him access, parting her lips under his and a low sound emits from the back of her throat.

The kiss quickly changes from chaste to something much more intense. Their lips move frantically, fervently together, almost to a desperate degree. Her tongue twists and tangles with his and she tastes him as she sucks and licks his lips, biting down ever so gently and he moans right into her mouth and she decides that she wants to hear that again, over and over. Her hands move down his chest where she grips his shirt and his have slipped under her shirt touching her back as she arches into him.

Somehow, she's not really sure how, she starts moving backwards and his hands drift over the curve of her ass down to the back of her thighs and then he's lifting her up with ease like she weighs nothing and she has to wrap her legs around him to hold on. Their mouths separate and she buries her face in his neck pressing light teasing kisses to his freckles as he carries her over to the counter and placing her on it and she doesn't even notice how cold it us under her because he's making her feel warm all over.

Now that they are level she raises her head to meet his darkened eyes and this time their lips crash together as they resume right where they left off.

She kisses his him deeply, thoroughly and he's just as fierce in his kisses and it's like they are making up for lost time. Her hands are on his neck as she angles her head to the side allowing for the kiss to be even deeper and she thinks she's drowning in this kiss, in his mouth on hers, his hands on her skin. In the back of her mind she's aware that his hands aren't wandering, they are staying safely on her sides or her back, never going too high. Meanwhile hers are playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. And somehow the kiss slows down in intensity. Now it's more about exploring and taking their time.

And then he's pulling away, not before lightly sucking on her bottom lip and then he drags his mouth from hers. Chest heaving as she tries to get air back in her lungs she drops her head to his shoulder and his hands rub her back trying to calm her down. That's when it hits her, what they had been doing, the fact that she's only wearing a shirt and her underwear and here she is on the counter. She knows it wasn't going to go any further, but still.

Once her breathing is under control she feels him kiss her temple and it's such a sweet gesture that she can't help the small smile tugging at her lips. And she knows she could have this with Barry. It all feels so natural, nothing strange about making out with her best friend in the kitchen at four in the morning.

She lifts her head and as if he knows where this is headed he takes a step away from her.

"We," she starts, but stops quickly not knowing how she wants to word it, or even if she knows what she wants to say, because really her mind is still a little jumbled from that kiss.

"I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"It was both of us."

"Yeah."

He helps her down from the counter even though she really doesn't need it. And then he goes back to the couch and she goes back to her bed even though they both know they won't be getting anymore sleep tonight.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Iris have their talk and things get worse before they get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out to be much longer than I expected. There are mentions of events in 1x16 and 1x17. 
> 
> It may not seem like but the chapter ends on a happy note.
> 
> Also, I apologize for any mistakes I didn't catch.

They sit across the table from each other in silence. She picks at her pancakes with her fork to the point that they don't even look like pancakes anymore and does everything she can not to look at him. After what happened last night she's not sure what to expect.

"Why didn't you tell me you were The Flash?" she asks in a soft tone.

He opens his mouth and then hesitates before scrubbing his hands over his face. "I wanted to, I really did. You were the first person I wanted to tell. And then your dad told me I-"

"Wait," she interrupts feeling the anger rise inside of her. "My dad knows?"

"Yeah," he says quietly hanging his head. "He knows."

For a moment she just stares at him. And here she thought the two most important men in her life, the man who had raised her and her best friend would never lie to her, that they were the two people in the world she could trust unconditionally. Apparently she had been wrong.

"So let me get this straight. The two of you have been lying to me for months!" Her chair scrapes loudly against the floor as she stands up abruptly.

"Iris, look-"

"Don't Barry. There's nothing you can say to make it better," she tells him glaring. "God fucking dammit!" she curses and she wants to kick or hit or throw something, something to release the anger bubbling inside of her. But when she doesn't find anything she decides that swearing under her breath as she paces around the room trying to get her thoughts in order will have to do.

And then a low buzzing sound stops her in her tracks. Not looking at Barry she goes over to her phone and when she sees Eddie's smiling face on the screen she freezes. For a moment she lets it ring and she knows that Barry can see who it is too and before she can think it through she quickly declines the call and turns her phone on silent and faces it down on the table.

She thinks back to yesterday at the hospital and really the day before that at the police station. Things have been strained between her and Eddie ever since that awkward double date at the bowling alley where she and Barry unintentionally-more like subconsciously-acted more like a couple than they did with their dates. She knows she's going to have to talk to Eddie soon; she can't hide from him forever.

Feeling calmer and guiltier she sits down again and meets Barry's eyes and holds them in a steady gaze. She no longer feels nervous to have this conversation. Now is the time for them to lay it all out. To figure out where they go from here, if anywhere.

"You know when you first told me how you felt I didn't know how to react, what to do. You said you loved me and I loved Eddie." The use of past tense doesn't go unnoticed by either of them. "At first I ignored it, thought it would go away. That it would be easier to pretend it didn't happen. But then I would have these random thoughts about us, about what it would be like to be with you. I just couldn't let myself think about it too long. So I didn't for a while. It just became so hard not to. And then-and then you met Linda," she mutters the other woman's name, the name bitter on her tongue. She averts her eyes, this already humiliating enough; she can't bring herself to look him in the eye. "And I-I don't know there was this tightness in my chest and I couldn't  _stand_ watching the two of you. Logically I told myself you had every right to date someone. Because I rejected you. But a part of me wished it was me and I couldn't stop thinking that maybe I did-do have feelings for you and I had been fighting it for so long I believed there was no way you could love me. I wasn't trying to meddle, I swear. I told myself I was looking out for you. And then you told me you didn't have those feelings for me anymore. And god, that hurt, it really fucking  _hurt_ so much more than I thought it would. And I knew, I knew I couldn't ignore it. But you're with Linda and I was too late. And I'm with Eddie. The other night at the bowling alley, we acted like a couple it was like Eddie and Linda weren't there and as horrible as it sounds it just felt so right. And that's when I really knew that I had feelings for you. That I stopped denying it. But we-we've always been us and it's so easy and I want - I don't know what I want. I'm so confused."

He reaches across the table and takes her hand in his, thumbs rubbing over the backs of her hands and he looks at her so openly and with so much love it takes her breath away. "Iris, I am so sorry. I never thought you would feel the same way. I was trying to move on, but I don't think that worked out very well." He cracks a small smile. "We can make this work, I know we can."

He looks so hopeful and she wants to feel that too, but she doesn't. There's something holding her back. She glances down at their hands and how well they fit together and how right it feels for him to be holds her hands like this. How this could be a common occurrence, holding hands at the kitchen table while eating breakfast. But there's this voice in the back of her mind telling her she can't have this. 

"What about Linda?" she argues back.

"I'm meeting with her in an hour."

Oh.

"Are-are you going to break up with her?" she asks hesitantly, almost shyly.

"Uh, yeah. I am. I just -we weren't-she isn't the right one for me."

He's referring to their conversation yesterday before shit hit the fan. He had been looking down at her searching her face for a sign or waiting for her to say that it was her, that she is the right one for him. And when she had smiled at him ever so slightly she had thought about it. Thought that maybe she was the right one for him. Hell, she wanted to say it, but had been unsure and she wasn't ready to change everything just yet.

"Oh." It's all she can come up with.

"Yeah. You gonna talk to Eddie?"

Closing her eyes briefly she thinks about Eddie waiting in their apartment for her. Their apartment, their life they share together. She's about to ruin everything. Even if this thing with Barry doesn't go further she knows she can't stay with Eddie any longer, it wouldn't be fair to him.

"Yeah," she whispers.

"Okay."

And she knows they both need to have these conversations with Eddie and Linda respectively before they do anything else, before they can even think about moving forward. That kiss in the kitchen in the middle of the night shouldn't have happened, but they both consciously took part in it despite the consequences.

And then as if he senses her inner turmoil he gets up and squeezes her shoulder in support on the way out.

* * *

 

Angrily swiping away the tears from her face as she walks down the stairs out of Eddie's apartment complex -It's Eddie's now, no longer theirs- she digs her phone out of her pocket and dials Barry. He answers after a couple of rings and she pauses at the bottom of the stairwell.

"Iris?"

"I just broke up with Eddie," she tells him without any warning. He's silent and she can picture him opening and closing his mouth not knowing quite what to say to that. Usually she'd wait for him to speak, but right now she's not in the mood for that. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

Somewhere in the back of her mind she realizes she shouldn't be having this conversation with him right now, not after she literally just broke up with Eddie minutes ago and is still in his building. And she probably shouldn't be doing this while she's upset. She should have just sent him a brief text saying it's over and that they will talk tomorrow in person. But she's upset and she thinks she's looking for a fight, looking for something to take out it all out on.

"I'm sorry," he finally says sincerely.

"You're-you're sorry?" there's an edge to her voice. That was not the answer she expected or that she wanted to hear.

"I know you loved him and I know you didn't want to hurt him."

She swallows the lump in her throat as she thinks of Eddie as she looks up the stairwell, three floors from where she is, probably drinking a beer on the couch. He had been upset and after some yelling on both ends he understood, he knew she had feelings for Barry he had just hoped it wouldn't get this far. She pushes away those thoughts and turns her attention back to her conversation with Barry.

"You're damn right I didn't want to hurt him! Fucking hell, Barry this is your fault. If you would've just-" she stops herself before she can say anything hurtful. Hanging her head she leans against the wall and continues in a more controlled voice. "I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Us," she answers in a whisper, furiously blinking back tears.

"Iris-"

"You lied to me Barry. And right now I can't overlook that. It doesn't mean that I don't want you; it doesn't mean I don't love you, 'cause I do. It just means I can't trust you right now."

She breaks her own heart as she says the words, and god she wants to take them back, wants to tell him she had a momentary lapse in judgment. But she can't. Right now she can't trust him with her heart and it kills her, because this is Barry, and Barry is her rock and Barry is loyal and most definitely trustworthy.

"Okay."

It's all he says, she can hear the dejection and the resignation in his voice, like he knows he can't argue with her, like he knows he can't change her mind. He's not arguing with her like she thought he would.

Looking up she doesn't stop the tears rolling down her face. It's like they are breaking up too, and they weren't even together and yet it's even more painful then her break up with Eddie. But she needs space right now. She needs to be alone and figure out what she wants for herself.

"I'm sorry, Barry," she adds, trying to let him know she doesn't want to hurt him, but she doesn't know what else to do.

"I love you, Iris," and it sounds like he's choking back his own tears. "And I'll be here when you're ready."

With a sob tearing from her throat she hangs up before he can say anything else or before he can hear her crying. And she cries right there in the stairwell of Eddie's building the sound echoing off the walls.

* * *

 

She visits her dad the next day. Tomorrow he'll be released and she promised she'd be the one to take him home. But right now she needs to confront him and she doesn't know how this is going to go. All she knows is that she's been feeling upset and betrayed by all the lies.

Joe is sitting up in his bed and smile lights up his face when he sees her. She tries to smile back, but she thinks it's more of a grimace. She ducks her head as she crosses the room to the side of his bed. Leaning down she kisses him on the top of his head. Because despite the betrayal and heartbreak she is so happy to see him okay, so happy that she still has him in her life.

"Hey dad," she says quietly and then backs away from him.

"Iris, what's wrong?"

Staring up at the ceiling she purses her lips with her hands on her hips. She can almost feel the apprehension coming off her father in waves. She doesn't want to yell at him all she wants is to understand.

"So uh I know about Barry," she starts and she still won't look at him.

"You know about Barry…?"

Exhaling loudly she decides to just come out and say it. "I know Barry is The Flash."

The room is silent you could hear a pin drop. She risks a glance at him and he's just looking at her his mouth open and she can see him trying to figure out what to say. But it's enough for her and she's done holding it in.

"You lied to me!" she says harshly trying not to yell. Oh boy does she want to yell and scream at him, but not when they are in a hospital, not when anyone could hear them. "You knew and you didn't tell me. You kept me in the dark."

"I know."

"Dad-why?"

"I wanted to keep you safe."

She walks over to the bed and takes his hand. "I'm not a little girl anymore I can take care of myself. Didn't you think that maybe if I was kept in the loop I would be safer? That I would have at least known what's going on?"

"Yes, all the time. I know you can, but-Barry wanted to tell you, but I told him not to. Look, when I was looking into Nora's murder I was left a message, a message threatening you and I knew I had to keep you away from that world."

She doesn't know what to say to that. Because she gets it she really does. If she were in his shoes she would have done the same thing and yet it still doesn't take the sting away from being lied to.

"I'm sorry we lied to you."

"I know."

And then they sit there in silence for a little while. There's nothing left to say. Later she might tell him about her and Barry, but for now she settles for holding his hand and sitting next to him.

* * *

 

When she brings her dad home Barry is there. Of course Barry is there he lives at the house. It's awkward and she keeps stealing glances at him when she knows he isn't looking and knows he's doing the exact same thing.

She misses him already, but she's not giving in. She needs some space to clear her head and figure out what the hell she wants.

Once her dad is settled he asks if she's going to stay. She shakes her head and rocks back on her heels nervously, eyes fixed on the floor. "I uh I'm staying with Kira from work for a little while."

She can feel Barry's gaze burning holes into her head and she knows her dad has picked up on the tension and awkwardness between them.

Before her dad can say anything or excuse himself and force them to talk she kisses him on the cheek and gets the hell out of there.

She's staying with Kira because now she has nowhere to live and she can't stay at the house, not with Barry there, she just can't. And Kira has an extra bedroom and is kind enough to let her stay as long as she needs to while she looks for a place of her own. 

Once she's in her car she looks regretfully at the house. If only things were easier.

* * *

 

Facing Linda at work is a little awkward, but she does her best to be professional. The other woman isn't exactly nice to her, but she doesn't show any indication of hating her either.

She continues to write about The Flash. Although when she first sits down to write about how he saved the city from the The Weather Wizard and the tsunami she finds it difficult. Because she sees Barry's face and all of the sudden he's not some stranger. She knows his identity and she can't write like she knows who he is and she can't let her own personal biases show. Eventually when she is able to write it's the easiest thing in the word and it's a glowing praise of The Flash for being heroic. It even earns her a text from Barry thanking her.

Even though they aren't talking she keeps track of The Flash through her blog and other sightings. She likes to know that he's safe and really loves that it's Barry who is the hero who is giving hope to the people of Central City.

* * *

 

A few days later she notices that Mason Bridge doesn't show up and he's always there before she is. The other reporters don't seem to think much of it so she brushes it off and focuses on the piece she's currently writing.

Mason doesn't show the next three days either. She finds that to be a little odd considering he had been excited, well as excited as he could be about his article on Harrison Wells. There's a thought in the back of her mind that for some reason that made have something to do with his disappearance, but she remembers what Barry said Harrison Wells is a good man. He saved Barry, there's no way he could be a bad person. Right?

When it's been a whole week since the last time anyone saw Mason she starts to get worried. Until one day when Linda pulls her off to the side.

"I think something's wrong," Linda tells her.

"What do you mean?"

"With Mason. I found his research on Harrison Wells and I think Wells has something to do with his disappearance."

She swallows. As the days have gone by she started thinking the same thing. And she didn't know what to do with it, she didn't want to ask Barry again not with the state of their relationship.

"What do we do?" she finally asks.

Linda looks her dead in the eye and says, "we publish it anyway."

"Wait let me talk to my dad, okay? See if he might know anything," she suggests and Linda somewhat reluctantly agrees.

Her dad knows Harrison Wells and he would know if he was capable of doing something to Mason.

* * *

 

She asks her dad to meet her for lunch at Jitters and he agrees. For some reason she's nervous to see him, she hasn't talked or seen him since she moved in with Kira over a week ago. She's been giving herself space. But this meeting isn't personal, and she's also a little afraid of the answer she's going to get.

When her dad comes through the doors she gives him a small wave to get his attention and as he gets closer she manages to give him a weak smile. He raises an eyebrow at her when he sits down and she glances at her coffee mug.

"Something tells me you didn't just ask to meet me here because you wanted to see your dad."

She curses her inability to get things past her dad as well as her inability to lie. He always told her she was a horrible liar.

But she goes for it anyway.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she tries to deny.

"Iris," his voice goes low like he's warning her not to pull any more bullshit with her.

With sigh she gives in. "Fine. I wanted to ask you something. Something you might be able to help me with." She makes sure she never wavers as she speaks and not to remove her eyes from him. She can't appear weak; she wants him to take this seriously, to take her seriously, and most importantly not to lie to her again.

"I'm not going to like this am I?"

Rolling her eyes she ignores him and pulls the file Linda gave her from her bag and slides it across the table to him. In the folder is all of Mason's research as well as the draft of the article he was going to publish. She watches as her dad looks it over. He's good at keeping his face unreadable, but if she wasn't looking hard enough she wouldn't have caught something like a flicker of recognition before he went back to his emotionless expression.

"What's this?" he asks when he's done closing the folder and looking at her like he knows nothing about it, but she knows he does.

Instead of calling him out on his lies she goes for another approach. This isn't personal right now and she's going to try and be professional about it. "Mason Bridge hasn't shown up for work in over a week. No one has heard from him and everyone says this isn't like him to just disappear like this."

"And this file?"

"I'm getting to that," she replies trying not to be too harsh with him. "Linda gave me that file and she said that this is what Mason was working on before he disappeared. The day it was supposed to be in the paper he didn't show up for work." She pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to know if you could look into his disappearance and see if you could find anything out."

He looks at her for a few long seconds before nodding ever so slightly. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," she says relieved. That went a lot better than she thought it would. Of course she's not done yet. "One more thing."

"Uh-oh."

"That article. Linda and I want to publish it."

"No," her dad interjects immediately. "Absolutely not."

"Why not?" she asks and she tries to push down her anger at his refusal as best as she can. "Look, I know Barry works with Harrison Wells and I know he doesn't think he's a bad guy, but I don't know this evidence is pretty damning. And maybe-maybe Dr. Wells did something to Mason."

Her dad sighs running his hands over his face. "Iris, listen to me carefully," he says seriously so she nods. "I know you want to do the right thing. And I know you're worried about Mason but I don't want you near this."

"Dad-" she tries to object.

"I'm serious, Iris. I've had my suspicions about him and both Barry and I are working on it."

"You and Barry? Barry knows?" Her voice goes quiet as her heart drops into her stomach at the thought of being lied to yet again. Maybe she should just get used to it.

He looks at her with something like sympathy like he knows what she's thinking. "Only for a few days. When you came to him he knew nothing. He told you what he thought was the truth." Relief washes over her, but at the same time she's angry, not at Barry, but at Dr. Wells for making Barry trust him.

"I've had my suspicions about Harrison Wells for a while now. But then a couple of days ago Barry came to me and he's convinced that Dr. Wells is the man in yellow, the man who killed his mother."

Her heart aches for Barry. He's working with the man who killed his mother and she doesn't know how he's doing it. She knows it must be killing him not to be doing anything while his dad is still in jail. But she understands that they have to be careful about it. And she hates herself for putting distance between them when something like this is going on. She decides that later she'll reach out to him. As betrayed as she feels this is much bigger than that.

"I want to help."

"Not this time. You publish that article and he comes after you. And he already knows how important you are to Barry. He's threatened you once when I got too close and l don't want to find out what happens if you do stay away from STAR labs and Harrison Wells. We're working on it."

"Okay," she agrees.

And normally she hates being told what to do, It's not that she doesn't want to put herself in danger, she could care less about that. Okay, so she does care about putting herself in danger, but not enough to deter her from wanting to help. No, the reason she'll listen to her dad is because of him and Barry. Because if she gets hurt-or worse- they have to deal with it and she doesn't want that for them. She doesn't want to cause them any more pain. So she'll stay out of this one even though she really doesn't want to.

* * *

 

After saying goodbye to her dad and promising that she'll come over for dinner soon she heads back to CCPN with a muffin in hand. She spots Linda at her desk and dreads the conversation she's about to have. It's bad enough Linda is Barry's ex-girlfriend, but now she realizes she's going to be the one doing the lying to someone. She hopes she can be convincing enough for once.

"Hey," she says as she approaches Linda's desk, the other girl looks up at her, barely sparing her a glance before continuing what she's working on.

"What did your dad say?"

Here goes nothing.

"He'll look into Mason's disappearance," she tells Linda easily. "But he said that he doesn't think we should publish it."

"Why the hell not?" Linda asks loudly, finally looking at her.

She forces herself to stay calm and not feel attacked. "He thinks we might be putting ourselves in danger if we do."

It's the truth, though. She's not lying she's only keeping out certain bits of information like Harrison Wells being the Reverse Flash which is something she's been trying not to think about herself. Because that's yet another bombshell she didn't see coming that changes everything.

Linda purses her lips, but her anger seems to dissipate.

She decides to continue for whatever reason. "Look, I want to help too, and I want to publish this. However, we need to trust my dad on this, he knows what he's talking about."

And after what seems like an eternity Linda nods. "Okay. Fine. But we don't stop looking for the truth, we have to keep working hard for Mason."

"For Mason," she agrees.

Then she goes back to her own desk and tries to figure out what to do next.

* * *

 

That night she lays in bed unable to sleep, tossing and turning all over the place. Her mind is running a million miles a minutes and she can't get comfortable or calm her mind enough to even try and sleep.

All she can think about is Barry. And how he must be feeling right now. How betrayed and hurt he must be learning that the man he looked up to killed his mother and he still has to see him everyday and pretend like nothing's wrong. And she knows that her initial anger toward him for lying is nothing compared to that. She thinks about the board he has mapping out the evidence of his mother's murder, the one she saw for the first time before Christmas. She feels sick to her stomach that he of all people has to deal with this. His mother's murderer is right in front of him and he can't do anything about it.

Finally not able to take her guilt any longer she reaches for her phone on the nightstand next to her bed and texts Barry.

_Hey, you awake?_

And she waits for a reply. Part of her hopes that he won't reply because that means he's sleeping and he's not thinking about the horrible things that are keeping her awake. But the other part of her wants him to reply because she misses him, misses talking to him and if she's feeling lonely right now he must be feeling even more alone.

Interrupting her thoughts the noise of her notifications scares her half to death and she quickly turns it on vibrate and then a smile crosses her face when she sees two message from Barry.

**_Yeah, what are you doing awake? Don't you need your beauty sleep?  
Everything okay?_ **

Of course he's more worried about her. God, she's an idiot. Why did she ever think that pushing him away was a good idea? Why did she think that it would be better if she didn't see him everyday? Now that it's been a week she's thinking so much more clearly now. She knows that she wants to be with Barry, but she also knows it will take a little bit of time to trust him again, but that doesn't mean that they can't hang out, it doesn't mean she has to punish him like this, or herself for that matter.

 _Can't sleep. Too much going on in my head._ She replies. And then before she even gives him a chance to read it she sends another text.  _I'm sorry._

His response comes quickly.

**_What on earth do you have to be sorry for?_ **

There's so many things she wants to say but she figures she should save them for when they can talk in person. She tries to keep it as light as possible.

_Lots of things. I miss you._

**_I miss you too._ **

She wants to ask him about Dr. Wells if that's why he's awake right now. She wants to ask if he's okay- which is silly because of course he's not okay- she wants to ask what she can do to help him.

Instead she says,  _so I saw that The Flash saved some people from a burning building today._

**_Oh yeah. Just a normal day in the life of a superhero. Burning buildings are a piece of cake._ **

A smile tugs on her lips and instantly she feels happier than she has in days and it's because she's talking to Barry.

_Okay, Mr. Big Shot. But I had to go against the copier from hell today._

**_Sounds terrifying._ **

_Oh it is._

And then go back and forth for an hour, talking about talking about random things that hold no weight, nothing too serious and it's nice and comforting and just what she needs and she thinks he needs it too. Eventually she can no longer fight to keep her eyes open and sends a quick text that she's going to sleep. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wonders if he's going to bed too or if he just plans on staying up for the rest of the night.

_I'm going to bed. Can barely keep my eyes open._

**_Am I that boring?_ **

_Oh yeah, you just put me right to sleep.  
It was fun. Goodnight, Barry._

**_Goodnight Iris. Sweet dreams._ **

She sets her phone on her and settles under her blankets getting comfortable. And after a few minutes she hears her phone buzz again and she reaches for it without looking, missing it a couple of times before her fingers grasp it. Forcing her eyes open she blinks at the brightness of the phone and reads the last text from Barry.

**_I love you._ **

She smiles and sets her phone back down. If she wasn't half asleep and her eyes weren't closing seconds after she struggled to open them to stare at the words longer she would have replied and she wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Closing her eyes she smiles at his words and in her sleepy mind she pretends that he's here, that he's laying next to her whispering in her ear and holding her close as she falls asleep.

_I love you too._

* * *

 

She's at work when her dad calls her.

_Henry was taken._

She squeezes her eyes shut tight as she listens to her dad explain what happened. It had been a trick. A diversion to break James Jesse out of prison and in the process they took Henry because Barry works for the CCPD.

There's only one thing going through her mind.

_Barry. I have to get to Barry._

Muttering a quick goodbye to her father she rushes out the door and tries to hail the nearest cab. Cursing loudly when one passes right by her she doesn't hesitate in flipping them off as they drive away.

Finally one stops to let her in and in a terse no nonsense tone she tells the driver the address and to get there as fast as possible. Of course traffic is shitty and she's giving the driver an earful. Logically she knows it's not his fault but all she can think about is Barry and how she needs to get to him.  _Now._

Her heart hurts for Barry. For the little boy whose mother was murdered and his father sent to prison wrongly accused. She remembers the nights they stayed up talking when he would tell her about Nora and Henry. Those were the nights he was too scared to sleep and she stayed up with him so he wasn't alone.

When he first came to live with them she was his constant support, always there to believe him. Some nights when she couldn't sleep she would sneak down into the kitchen and have a glass of milk or a even brownie if there were some and she would pass by his room and see the light on.

The first time she saw the light on the middle of the night she thought it was strange but ignored it. But the third time she couldn't let it go so she quietly knocked on his door and called his name. She had been surprised when he answered. She didn't ask why he had the light on she just asked if he wanted to get some milk with her. And he agreed.

It took a couple of times before he opened up to her. He was scared of the dark. He always had been, but ever since that night he couldn't sleep in the dark. He tried sleeping with the lights on but it was too bright. So really he hadn't been getting much sleep at all.

She would wait for him whenever he got home from seeing a shrink. She was there when he was desperate to convince her that his dad didn't kill his mother, that there had been another man in his house that night. And she always told him she believed him. And she did. She had no reason not to. But there were times when even he doubted it and the shrinks told him -in their own nice way of telling an 12 year old boy that he was crazy- that he was a scared child making things up to protect himself and she was the one who picked up the pieces.

The nights when he was so desperate sticks out in her mind. "My dad didn't kill my mom, Iris. He didn't! There was another man there. He killed her! Why doesn't anyone believe me? It wasn't my dad!" he would get near hysterical and she would calm him down.

"I know Barry," she would say. "I believe you. You're not crazy."

As they got older he got better. But there were times when the nightmares were bad and he would knock on her door and silently they would go down to the kitchen together.

He became determined to find a way to prove his father innocent, but he could never find one.

Until now. Now he knew the man who murdered his mother.

They haven't talked about in a couple of years. The closest was Christmas when she saw the board. But she knows that not a day goes by that he doesn't think about his mom or dad.

In that moment as the cab pulls into the driveway she makes a promise to herself to support Barry. To be there for him and whatever happens. To let him talk about if he wants to. Because she wonders if maybe he thinks she doesn't want to hear about it anymore. Or if he feels like he shouldn't still be so hung about it and so he keeps it himself. But she doesn't want that. She wants to help him. She needs him to know that no matter what has happened between them recently it doesn't change the fact that she will always be there for him and she will always want him to be able to talk to her.

* * *

 

She rushes up to his room and finds his door open and Barry sitting on the edge of the bed facing the wall, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. She knocks lightly on the door to alert him to her presence, but he doesn't move. And she wonders if he heard her at all.

And all she wants is to protect him, to wrap him in her arms and shield him from the world that has treated him too cruelly. Because he doesn't deserve this, any of this. Because Barry Allen -despite all the shit that has happened to him- is the kindest, most considerate, caring, person she's ever met. He always puts everyone else first over himself. Somehow despite everything he turned out to be the best person she knows, he could have gone down the wrong path but he didn't.

"Barry," she call out softly. "It's me."

Still nothing.

She walks over to the side of the bed and stands in front of him. "Barry." Finally he looks up at her, eyes red-rimmed and tears dried on his cheeks. Feeling her heart crack in her chest she touches her fingers to his cheek and he leans into her touch. A choked sob escapes him and before she knows it he falls forward into her like he can't keep his head up anymore and lands forcefully against her stomach and she stumbles slightly but recovers. Wrapping her arms around him she runs her fingers through his hair and tries to make him feel as safe as possible like he does for her.

"Shh," she tells him in a quiet soothing voice. "I'm here. I'm right here."

His tears soak through her shirt and she knows the wall he's so carefully constructed is tumbling down. He's letting it all go. And she does her best to hold him together to keep from completely shattering.

At some point she's not sure how exactly but he lifts his head and looks up at her with wide green eyes and suddenly it feels like it's fourteen years ago. Swallowing the lump in her throat she strokes his cheek and he tugs her wrist and then she's falling onto the bed with him, nearly on top of him into a jumble of limbs.

She apologizes and he forgives her. She promises not to leave him and he promises not to lie to her. She kisses his cheek and he clings to her.

She doesn't even suggest they turn off the light because she knows he'll refuse and he'll panic so she lets him fall asleep with his head on her shoulder and the lights on. And she hopes and prays that she can ward off the nightmares.

"I believe you, Barry," she whispers into his hair, squeezing him just a little tighter. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

 

* * *

 

Still in her red dress from the disaster of an event for Mayor Bellows she waits anxiously for Barry to show up with Henry. She had managed to call him and get him to come save the day just as James Jesse had been hitting on her only for him to get a bomb strapped to his wrist. She remembers wanting to call out to him, but she held herself back. On the way to STAR labs her dad told how he got it off by running through a wall. Then Barry had returned and cured everyone and went to find his dad while the police arrested the tricksters.

And now he was rescuing his dad and really she just needs to see him with her own eyes to make sure he's okay.

When they come in the first thing she notices is the grin on Barry's face and how happy he looks. His arm is around his father and there's a bounce to his step. And god she loves seeing him like that, so carefree. He deserves it.

She rushes over to them and throws her arms around Barry's neck holding him tightly for a few seconds. He hugs her back equally tightly and sighs into her hair. When she pulls back she kisses his cheek and says, "I'm glad you're okay."

His eyes meet hers. "Me too."

And she knows that he means he's glad that she's okay that nothing happened to her tonight. She smiles at him before turning to Henry.

"It's good to see you."

"You too, Iris."

After a quick hug she goes back to her dad and lets Barry have as much time with his as he can before Joe has to take him back to Iron Heights.

As Barry hugs his dad once last time and hers is leading him out she comes to stand next to him in silent support. Once their dads are gone and it's been a few minutes she nudges his arm with hers and he looks down at her.

"C'mon," she says. "Let's go."

They head home together. Walking side by side in silence. Without thinking about she brushes the back of his hand with hers before linking their fingers together, he squeezes her hand and they continue to walk.

"I'm glad your dad is okay."

"Me too."

And then she stops walking causing him to stop as well.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything. For how I've treated you. For how I've handled everything," she pauses for a moment and he squeezes her hand again encouraging her to continue. And then it all comes tumbling from her lips. "I was so ashamed with myself that I took it out on you. I mean yes I was pissed you lied to me, but I could've have tried harder to talk about it, I didn't have to shut you out. I guess I was just scared. Scared of being with you. I've known you since we were kids and everything with you is so easy and I love it. I love being with you, we've always had a special bond and I never thought twice about it. But for some reason the idea of being with you romantically freaked me out. I didn't want it to change us, or god forbid ruin our friendship if something went wrong. But now- after today I realize that I shouldn't be scared. We're in this together and I don't want to be anywhere else but at your side."

She finishes slightly out of breath and for a moment he says nothing just grins at her ridiculously and his hair is a little messy and she really just wants to run her fingers through it and mess it up even more.

"Are you- are you saying that-"

With a laugh she steps closer to him removing her hand from his so that she slide them around his neck. "I'm saying that I love you and that I'm going to kiss you now."

And before he can say anything to that she captures his mouth in a kiss, and it's slow and sweet as their lips move in sync. It's lacking the desperation and franticness of their first two kisses but it doesn't make it any less forgettable or make her any less breathless. It's full of promise and things to come, and more kisses to come.

Her fingers tangle into his hair, twisting the strands around messing it up and she's not even sorry about it. When air becomes an issue they break apart foreheads resting together. A smile breaks out on her face as they beam at each other. And she's happy, god she's so fucking happy right now and it has everything to do with Barry.

"Let's go home."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as a disclaimer I will say that I didn't rewatch 1x16 and 1x17 before watching this. I realized that Barry didn't know Wells was the Reverse Flash until the end of 1x17 and that Mason Bridge's research was destroyed, but I am pretending that because Barry didn't reset the timeline that it could happen this way. And if not oh well it's fanfiction right?


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of the end of Season 1 wrap up and Iris and Barry finally get their happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is finally. This one took me a while. I originally had a different idea, but this happened instead. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but oh well. I think it's a good ending point. And see it ends with fluff, but apparently I couldn't help but add some angst in the beginning, so I apologize for that. 
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and given kudos on this story. I am very proud of it and happy that you all love it as much as I do!
> 
> So enjoy and tell me what you think!

She finds him on the rooftop just where she thought he would be. Her dad had warned her about what was going on and she knows Barry needs time to get his thoughts straight, but he also needs someone to talk to. Briefly he turns his head when he hears her and then goes back to looking out over the city.

Standing next to him she leaves some space between them not quite knowing how to proceed. She makes some comment about how this was always one of her favorite places to come and think. What she keeps to herself is that really she likes it up here because of her meetings with The Flash and she thinks that maybe he does too.

He has yet to say anything and hasn't looked at her since she first arrived. Either he's deep in thought or he's avoiding her. It doesn't matter to her which one it is all she wants is to be able to help him.

"Talk to me."

He shakes his head and shifts so his back is now leaning against the ledge. Blowing out at a breath he looks at her and the vulnerability in his eyes just about kills her. "I-can you," he stops himself clearly frustrated, but she waits patiently. "Can you-come here. Just come here, okay?" She's about to question him, but his eyes plead with her so she quickly moves in front of him letting him pull her close. "I need-I just need-just for a minute," he mutters against her hair.

She nods against his chest understanding what he's having difficulty trying to say. She hugs him around the waist and rubs his back soothingly as he draws comfort from her.

"I could see my mom again. I could save her." He doesn't loosen his hold on her, but she can tell he's calmed down a little.

"I know."

"I could have both my parents. I could-"

"I know."

And then he draws back, making sure that he's still touching her and she lifts her head and she can see the conflict clear on his face. "I don't know what to do."

"I know," she gives him a sad smile. "So just listen to me for a second, okay?" he nods and she takes a deep breath, already feeling the tears build in her eyes. "Don't- don't think about me, okay? If you really want to do this I don't want to be what stops you, I don't want to get in your way. I want you to be happy and if that means you," she swallows her throat feeling thick. "If that means you do this, then do it. I'm not going to hold you back; I love you too much to do that. And there's a part of me that wants to be selfish and wants to tell you not to, to stay with me because I can make you happy. Because I need you. But I'm telling that part of me to shut up because I can't be selfish, because you deserve to have your family and to be happy after everything that has happened. So as much as it kills me I'm telling you that I support whatever you choose to do."

He nods his head slowly as he tries to process everything she just said. And she closes her eyes and purses her lips trying to keep her emotions at bay for the moment. That confession took a lot out of her, but she knows he needed to hear it.

"I miss her everyday," he whispers and her eyes open suddenly at his words. "I think about every damn day. I mean she's my mom and I used to think I would give everything to see her again and now that I can-this should be an easy decision. So why isn't it? It's not that I don't love her. It's not that I don't want to be a whole family again. I do-I love my mom, Iris-"

"Hey, hey I know you do," she interrupts seeing the beginnings of a break down. Gently she grasps his chin between her fingers forcing him to look at her. "I know you love her and I know you miss her. I've never doubted that. Just because you're thinking this through doesn't mean you don't love her. Okay? And I'm right here, I am on your side, whatever you choose to do." And then she lays her palm flat on his chest right over the too fast beat of his heart. "Think with your heart."

He looks at her searchingly and then his face crumples and she knows what's coming. "I can't do it," it comes out as a broken whisper and she's instantly guiding him to sit against the brick wall before he falls over.

And for a split second she's happy, she's relieved that she's not losing him. But she pushes that aside for now and wraps her arms around him. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

When he recovers he lifts his head from her shoulder looking her dead in the eye. "I can't leave you. I would never forgive myself if I did. I can't when we're-not now. I know I haven't been what you need me to be, I know it's been crazy, but I can't do this without you. And I love you too much to do that to you."

Tears are streaming down her face before she can stop them. She thought it wasn't possible to love this man more than she did, but once again he's proved her wrong. "Barry," it's all she can say and really it's all she needs to say. She knows he's made up his mind and it's because of her.

* * *

When it all comes to an end it's a little anticlimactic to be honest.

Thawne agrees to being sent back to the future. And she knows it's not what Barry wants. He wants Henry out of prison; he wants revenge for his mother. But he agrees and she stands next to him the entire time, ready to be there when he needs her.

And once he's gone and they all stand there stunned. Her dad asks if it's over and she turns to Barry and waits for him to look at her. "It's over," she tells him quietly and before she can react he's crushing her to him and she just holds on.

"It's over," he says into her hair and lets out a laugh of disbelief. "It's over."

When he steps back she sees a real smile on his face for the first time in weeks and it's completely contagious because she finds herself smiling right back at him. Then he kisses her and it's tender and loving and full of promise. It doesn't deepen but they linger, still grinning like idiots. Eventually he turns towards the others, but never once lets go of her hand.

And she thinks it's all going to be okay.

* * *

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," he tells her making sure to keep his hand over her already blindfolded eyes.

" _Barry,_ " she whines and only gets a laugh in response. She wishes he could see her glaring at him, but he can't. And she's sure she look like an idiot with a blindfold on her face and her boyfriend guiding her _somewhere._ All she knows is that they are outside and she's too annoyed to try and figure out where they are.

"We're almost there."

She huffs in annoyance at him. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

This time she flips him off and for some reason he finds this all incredibly amusing. "You know you're making it a lot easier to hate you right now."

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

This morning when she was getting ready he had told her to put on something nice and when she asked if he didn't think she always looked nice he backtracked. It was fun watching him squirm a little before reassuring him that she knew what he meant and went to find something a little more than nice. To say he was blown away by her appearance would be an understatement. When she stepped out of the bathroom he was speechless with his mouth hanging open. It easily took him five minutes before he could form a coherent sentence. And she continued to tease him before he shut her up with a mind blowing kiss, conveying everything he was feeling. Reluctantly she had ended it because it had taken her time to get ready and then she asked what he had planned and he told her it was a surprise.

And here they are now with Barry leading her somewhere and probably getting her back for teasing him this morning. As much as she hates surprises she trusts Barry. But she isn't about to let him know that.

"You know if you weren't-"

"We're here."

_Finally._

"Can I take this off now?" she asks impatiently.

"Let me."

Carefully and honestly way too fucking slowly he removes the blindfold and she can feel him standing behind her with his hands on his arms as her eyes adjust to the light. She blinks a couple of times and she takes in the sounds of waves and seagulls and the smell of salt water and something distinctly Barry.

It takes her only seconds to realize where they are. And her eyes confirm it. The waterfront. Her breath catches in her throat as she realizes _why_ they are here. Only this time there is no tsunami heading for them, this time they are alone and no one is screaming in fear, and her father isn't in danger. This time it's a year later and she's with Barry and everything is okay.

"Barry," she whispers unable to keep the emotion out of her voice as she turns to face him and he's just grinning at her.

"C'mon," he says taking her hand and leading her a little further to a place she recognizes immediately.

Even though it's been a year she still remembers their first kiss with perfect clarity. She can still feel his lips on hers first time and his hand warm on her face. Now, there are no boyfriends, no metas threatening to destroy the city, and no evil speedsters lurking. And she thinks they've come a long way since then.

He stands in front of her their hands still clasped together between them. For a moment they just stand there smiling at each other.

"Iris, I just-"

"Barry," she cuts him off and he doesn't seem to mind one bit. "We've been together a year and not all of it has been easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Being with you is the happiest I've ever been. And even though I see you everyday I still have not been able to stop thinking about you. And I don't want to."

His shakes his head in disbelief, his eyes full of love and amazement as his lips stretch into a wide grin at her words. "I never stopped thinking about you. Even when I'm with you, you're all I think about, and it's even worse when you're not around. You, Iris West, are the best thing that's ever happened to me and I will never stop thinking about you."

It's all she can do to simply beam at him, feeling tears form in her eyes from the sheer love and emotion in his voice. And god, she loves this man with every fiber of her being.

"I-" She knows what he's going to say, but she doesn't want to hear it right now.

"I know. Now shut up and kiss me."

His hands gently untangle from hers so that they can come up and frame her face and he brings her in closer before finally touching his lips to hers. Immediately she links her arms around his neck stepping closer to him so that they are chest to chest and she kisses him back slowly allowing their lips to move together. His thumb strokes along her jaw sending shivers down her spine and she can't help but suck on his bottom lip telling him she wants more. He obliges licking his way into her mouth and she hums in contentment.

In the back of her mind she's glad there aren't other people around that it's just the two of them because she thinks she could go on like this forever, kissing and kissing.

His hands slide down her sides and rest on her hips for a moment before pushing the hem of her shirt up so he can touch her bare skin. At the feeling of his warm hands on her she arches into him and kisses with more intensity, tongue tangling with his.

She's the one who ends the kiss (albeit reluctantly) and they are both breathing a bit raggedly, but they just can't seem to take their eyes off his each other. Her hands play with the hair at the nape of his neck and his fingers are tracing patterns low on her back.

She thinks back to year ago when they had kissed for the first time and she remembers all the fear and uncertainty she felt. How she had been scared to move forward with Barry even though kissing him had felt so fucking right. He never once gave up on her and she returned the favor when things got tough. And now here they still going strong and she knows it's going to last.

Bring her back to the present Barry presses his lips to her forehead in a soft kiss and a smile graces her lips at the gesture. A gesture that never fails to make her feel loved and safe.

"I love you," he speaks against her forehead, his voice barely above a whisper, but she hears it perfectly clear.

"I love you, too."


End file.
